One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm a bit jealous of the young ones. They seem to have their whole life ahead of them. I admittedly have for the most part given up job searching as I had been. I'm too burnt out with rejection that I've to let it all go. I know what my problems are. I know that I have taken one step forward to grasp that ray of hope only to have it snatched away.

It is my fault. I can't seem to get any traction. I'm grateful for the freelance writing that I've been able to do. I'm also grateful for the many ideas that are swimming around, but nothing is sticking. Lord, help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of defending my continued lack of gainful employment or trying to play the fool to get that elusive job.

I often feel that I've taken two steps back and time is ticking for me to make something of myself. Why do I feel that I have to prove that I'm worthy of being noticed and compensated? What can I do about the people around me who are also struggling with lack of work and acknowledgement? I know that my current situation has gotten so deep that I don't know if I'll be able to escape it at all. Some days I just want to end it all, but then I realize that there is just so much to do and so many people who depend on me to do it all....without compensation....sigh....

Will someone somewhere see my worth? Yes. I have to believe that what I'm doing for others will make a difference in their lives....or give up.