Bothered by The Unrespectful and Unwelcome Attention

Yup...it's one of those posts. I am bothered though because it seems to me that there is no respect for those who put their lives on the line daily. I can understand a little bit how wearying that can be, to go day after day without hearing one word of thanks or praise. I aim to stop that now. I want to let police and firemen know how much I appreciate them.

It is hard. Sometimes it definitely feels like I'm going against a tidal wave of disrespect and apathy. Don't they know, I ask myself, what it all means? There are times, like yesterday, when I see a bit of light....a tiny measure of respect and admiration.

I can understand a little bit their frustration at how they (police) are being portrayed by the media at times. Their faults receive unwelcome attention. I fear for the erosion of justice when bad men feel that they can get away with anything with no consequences. It must be tough to see fellow officers face unjust sentences due to technicalities or because they'd been unjustly framed by those who have no clue about what they do.

They do deserve our respect. I am thankful that they are there maintaining the peace and protecting us from those who would do us harm. My group is planning to honor them in September and all those who sacrificed their all for their fellow citizens.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm a bit jealous of the young ones. They seem to have their whole life ahead of them. I admittedly have for the most part given up job searching as I had been. I'm too burnt out with rejection that I've to let it all go. I know what my problems are. I know that I have taken one step forward to grasp that ray of hope only to have it snatched away.

It is my fault. I can't seem to get any traction. I'm grateful for the freelance writing that I've been able to do. I'm also grateful for the many ideas that are swimming around, but nothing is sticking. Lord, help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of defending my continued lack of gainful employment or trying to play the fool to get that elusive job.

I often feel that I've taken two steps back and time is ticking for me to make something of myself. Why do I feel that I have to prove that I'm worthy of being noticed and compensated? What can I do about the people around me who are also struggling with lack of work and acknowledgement? I know that my current situation has gotten so deep that I don't know if I'll be able to escape it at all. Some days I just want to end it all, but then I realize that there is just so much to do and so many people who depend on me to do it all....without compensation....sigh....

Will someone somewhere see my worth? Yes. I have to believe that what I'm doing for others will make a difference in their lives....or give up.

Moving Forward With A New Beginning

It sometimes feels a bit scary to be taking in something new. I know that the pressure is on for me to do this. I also know that it is needed. There are going to be detractors. People that want to see you fail. There are also going to be those that wholeheartedly support you. It is for those people you want to shine. It is for those people you need to move forward and grasp the rings of opportunity.

I am going through a new beginning now. I don't know as yet what the future will hold for me. I want so many things. I need to be able to reach out and touch the young people with the message that local history is important. How do I do that? I am not sure. There are too many obstacles in front of me now to even speculate what needs to be done first.

The underlying theme has to be to reach the world with the love of Jesus. It sounds corny, but the reality is that things are dying and disappearing at an alarming rate. The only true answer is Jesus and the life in him.

I move forward in him. Every other way is death.

Honored and Overwhelmed

I've been busy these past two weeks learning more about the financial end of my non-profit business. I 've also been privileged and honored to meet with so many interesting people willing to help me get up to speed. I do have a long road ahead of me still. I am feeling pressured to have some sort of positive results from all my hard work.

It is a bit overwhelming and depressing at the same time. None of the older folk seem to grasp what I'm going through yet. They pressure me to find a "real job"....and sometimes I do want to go back to having one of those....It is definitely a lot more stable than what I'm trying to accomplish now. Many just don't understand that non-profits do in some ways have to run like a business, even though they don't have shareholders or a product/service they can sell.

I really can't explain yet why I feel compelled to do what I'm doing now. Some days it still feels like I'm spinning my "wheels" and getting nowhere fast. Other days I definitely feel that sense of accomplishment that comes when you know that you've made a difference in someone's life. Financial pressures are still there as well. I'm not sure what my next steps will be to secure some sort of steady income stream. I know I need one...and I know that I have to take the necessary steps to obtain one or two soon.

I do hope to find and secure those revenue streams for my sake and for my family's sake. I know they are feeling pressured as well....and maybe a bit tired of "covering for me"...when the reality is that they should be supporting me in this huge undertaking.