A step back to move forward

Last week I went through a bit of a shock. I tried my best to reason it out, and now have an even better understanding of what happened. I'm calling it a learning experience that could have turned out worse than it did. I've had to take a step back to see what I was doing, regroup and move forward. I can't say that I'm all there yet or that I'm not still in what some call a stage of grief even though no one died.

I am blessed to have so much support. I am blessed that I can move forward and that I do have the resources and tools to do it. It is going to be scary too. I realize that. No one in my position can rightfully say that he/she has it made or that they can go it alone. I know this with my project. Without other people's support, I'm sunk before I start. So I'm grateful to the Lord for bringing me friends and family that support me wholeheartedly.

Time will come, and I know this, that I will in turn support them. I pray that I'm just as supportive as they have been to me.

An unexpected backlash

Yes, you read that title right. Most of us have days when we wish that we'd never gotten out of bed in the first place. Some of you have also probably been in the same situation that I now find myself in. It was an unexpected backlash that threw me for a loop...one that I should have seen coming but didn't. I guess we can all, at one time or another, relate to what I'm calling literally a "cat fight" in the making. It's kind of funny in a way...not "ha, ha" funny but rather the kind of funny feeling you get when you notice something is kind of "off".

I should have known that it wouldn't last. I guess in my gut, I did even when I thought I was doing what I should be doing. I didn't dress right, I didn't answer the phone right and a million other tiny things that accumulated to the point where it back lashed. I wasn't her "buddy" and we "clashed" in a nonverbal way. The others also hated my attitude...I sensed that too. So maybe I set myself up for it. I tried too hard to conform, but felt like a fish without water.

Lord knows it's for the best. No one likes the effects of a backlash....It stings. Yet I can pick myself up from it, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Going back in time

Sometimes I get the feeling that I would like to go back in time. Things seemed simple back then. At least from my perspective now, they do. Yet I know that it wasn't. There were wars of the heart and soul then too. People were just as sinful and corrupt. It's human nature some say. Yet it just seems that things are a lot worse than there were when my parents were young. Then the country honored its Christian heritage and prayed in school. Yes, there were people back then that pushed their corrupt doctrines down the throats of the gullible and innocent. But there was also a "backbone" or consciousness that kept things in check. That is gone.

Where did it go? What happened to ruin the backbone of this country? I can tell you in one word....Progressivism. Teddy Roosevelt and his ilk promoted it, and it sounded good...and a lot of good things supposively came from it. Yet I can't help thinking that this was actually the start of socialism in this country. Granted some good did come out of this movement, like the decent working conditions and a living wage. I can't help thinking, however of what was sacrificed for this. Are we any happier? Maybe....but somewhere along the way we forgot the one who provided for us. We decided to do it ourselves and make ourselves our own gods.

This didn't happen overnight. My parents grew up in a world that honored and respected their Christian heritage. That is not to say that some didn't abuse that honor or decide that God's way wasn't theirs or interpret God's word to suit their own agenda. There were many like that. Yet I now see our own government trying to dictate what we can and can't do with our own bodies. Yes, that may sound that I'm for women's rights...and I am to some extent. I can't help but think however that the government is forcing people to pay for other people's promiscuity and sign up for health insurance. Don't get me wrong health insurance is a good thing and people should have it...but to make it a mandate and penalize people for not having it???? Or even worse forcing someone to do something that they don't want to do....just seems so wrong.

Can we go back to that simplier time? No. We can, however, move forward and reach out to God.

Feeling like a time warrior

I remember when I first started this blog back in 2009. I had a simple premise. I would write about time. Funny how it kind of morphed into something completely different, yet I know that life is like that. You think that things will always remain the same, that your parents will always be there but then something happens. All of the sudden you realize that time has whizzed right by you, and you are left with next to nothing. Isn't that how it goes? No.

I'm amazed that God could love me. I fight daily against the forces of time and destiny. Why? I am a fool, and the Lord knows it. He loves me, even though I fail him daily as I fight against forces that threaten to tear me apart. I'm only beginning to understand the core of his deep love....It's not material stuff that we accumulate, nor is it the myriad of friends that come with that stuff. It's something bigger and deeper than that. Why can't I trust him? That is the essence of the struggle I see now. The more I fight against the lost of control, the more I lose. So why do I struggle? Some would say it's because I am human....and to be human is to struggle.

Yet, I can't get past what I read in God's word about laying it all at his feet. So I do. I have to. He is my Rock and my deliverer. In him will I trust, because all around me is sinking sand....