Going Higher and Reaching Further

It is kind of strange how things happen. You know that a certain thing is wrong but you're not sure how to deal with it. Lately I've been going through some pretty rough patches. There have been days that I've even questioned my sanity.

I am learning slowly to see things in a different light and take the time to step back before opening my mouth or writing something that I'll regret later. I know that I still have a lot to learn. The atmosphere that I've chosen to saturate myself in is not good. I am realizing that I only need to reach out towards the light of God's word to break through the morass of evil.

It is not easy. No one ever said it would be. There will be some things that I can't ever accept. Frankly they make me sick. Yet I realize that the young people especially haven't been exposed to what I was exposed to when I was younger. They have no foundation.

So I am going higher than I've ever gone before to reach out to those who need to hear about God's saving grace. It is scary. I have to admit that. I can't do it on my own. I need help. It is not wrong to ask for help nor is it a sign of weakness. When I reach further and put myself in someone else's shoes, I can see the fear and distress in their eyes. They are reflected in my own. I lean on the Lord. I know that he will direct my path.

Yes, I need prayer. I need to start seeing people in a different light and embracing their differences. I need to bring them before the throne of grace and not judge them. This too is hard. I can be very judgmental at times. It pains me when I see the hatred and malice. Yet I know I have felt that way too. I ask forgiveness. I am going higher and reaching further to bring my Savior's love to a dying world.

Suffering servant

It's been a rough ride. I didn't feel like posting anything last week. I've done some idiotic things in my life. One of them is to follow a wiki-how post on how to get rid of a sinus headache. I didn't follow it completely. I'm such an idiot!

This sinus headache is a result of the sinusitis infection that I had two weeks ago. I haven't really gotten over it. I can blame the change in the weather as it has been up and down too much lately. I can blame it on the environment. Living here exposes me to so many substances. I never used to be allergic to anything when I was a child. Now it seems that I've picked up quite a few allergies.

The pressure sometimes is very hard to bear. I feel it pounding now. I just wish it would end. I want to feel normal again. Maybe tomorrow...

Why am I so fearful, Lord?

I had a scare Tuesday morning. My face went numb. I was afraid to admit that the pressure that I've been under was finally manifesting itself in a physical way. I was actually sobbing and crying out to God. I know a lot of it is what I've been exposing myself to on Facebook. I can't help myself. I freely admit it now.

I know a lot of you are the same way. You just can't look away. It is scary when you see all the hate being manifested towards Christians around the world. I sometimes don't know if I can handle it. I do pray continuously now for our broken nation. The sore has been cut and is now bleeding all over the place. It is a black thing to discover the venom that flows right outside your door.

Yet I do know this. I know that the Lord Jesus has me in the palm of his strong hands. He knows what I'm going through. He understands the deep pain that I'm feeling now as I see and hear the hate that spews out like a putrid river. Why am I so fearful, Lord? It is foolish to fear when I know that he is holding me and protecting me from all harm. I have to remember that I am not alone.

I have to remind myself that I can do all things through him. It is hard. The pressure is increasing to conform. Lord, I can't do that. I have to follow your will and not my own. How well I know this...yet sometimes it is so hard to do. Will I be brave enough to stand up for what I believe in? I like to think so. Lord, I am weak and easily scared. I lean on you. Please guide me in the way I should go and be with our government leaders. Help them make wise decisions and strengthen their resolve against the evil one. Block all those who would tear or dissolve our government for their own agenda.

I am fearful. Please forgive me for not trusting you enough. My heart knows that you are in control but my mind imagines the worst. I put it all in your hands, Lord God. You are my Savior and my Lord.

Ripples of Light and Dark

I've had a busy two weeks and haven't had the opportunity to post here. Things are starting again to look a bit brighter on the job front. I had one pretty good phone interview and another one lined up for tomorrow. I also got an invitation to write for another organization. These are the ripples of light in my life. I can't be sure how any of it will work out for me. Those are the ripples of dark that try to drag me down.

The situations that are going on in Washington DC also have those ripples of light and dark. The ripples of light are the promises to create jobs in America and secure our borders. The ripples of dark are the environmental concerns and security concerns. I hope that these concerns are addressed. There is a real strong push back trying to discredit the new government from many who feel it is an illegitimate government. I get that. There is an equally strong pull to keep going forward despite the obstacles.

I don't know everything. All I do know is that the person in the White House now was miraculously placed there by God. It just had to be. There is no other explanation for me. So I know that this wave of hate is directly due to an awakening of sorts. At least this is what I'm seeing here. Why would there be such hate if that wasn't true? I know the arguments about the river of hate that has been  simmering for the past eight years. Yes, I've seen that too. Yet I can't help thinking that it really hasn't been as bad as some might presume it had.

The thing that I have to keep reminding myself and remembering is God is in control. He is the one who controls all things through us. We just have to trust him.