Is it Springtime or Am I still dreaming?

Funny how you look and see the crocuses sprouting up and the yellow flowers peeking out, only to feel a cold blast of air hit you in the face. You know it's spring, but it feels like winter. Mother nature, some say, is fickle...especially in March. You can have one day when it feels almost like summer. Then the next day it feels like winter...and you can see the snow falling!!! I know I'll be glad when the weather settles down. It's no fun to feel as if you can't really go without a coat, even though the sun is shining. Yet...then you have those days when you just have to leave the coat behind...and you want to...because you don't feel like carrying that heavy coat around with you.

Could I be dreaming that it's spring? No. The calendar says it's spring. We turned the clocks forward to embrace the longer days and shorter nights. Yet it feels like winter. I imagine the snow under my feet...some of us don't have to imagine it...it's still here. I do love spring. I love the feeling of renewal and seeing the trees and bushes start to bud.

Growing pains-A time to be born

I have been experiencing a lot of growing pains lately. I think the main reason is that I haven't been able to reconcile things with some people that will remain nameless. I do long to do this. I struggle daily to try to resolve the issues that seem to plague our relationship. I'm learning that sometimes you just have to let go and let God work in them.

It is hard. Some would even suggest that it's almost like being born. You come into a new environment fraught with new experiences and sensations. Some are bad. Some are good. You feel like you're being pulled, and you don't like it. In some ways, every day is like this. You sense that something is happening both externally and internally. You long for the days, long since past when you felt you were on stable ground.

My heart aches for those whose world has now been turned upside down. None of them had a choice.

Unexpected time of reflection and grace

When the news hit about the earthquake and tsunami last Friday, my heart stopped...not literally, but everyone knows that feeling. Luckily or unluckily, I didn't have to sit and watch it on CNN as the tragedy unfolded. I was spared, by God's grace, from hearing it over and over again. Instead I was able to reflect and pray for the thousands affected by it and are still being affected by it.

I was also reminded of God's grace on Friday when I volunteered to work on Sunday. I could have said no, and maybe should have...but I didn't. I reflected on the Lord's words, and showed in a small way that I was willing to sacrifice that time to do what needed to be done. I know that there will be time, maybe soon, that I will again be called to sacrifice. Will I be willing then? I can't answer that now. I just have to go step by step and day by day. I do thank God for what he has done for me.

I hope, but can't press, that I will find listening ears and open hearts to the words the Lord has given me to write and say. I can't stand still...but maybe I need to....so I can listen to a baby's cry and a wounded heart.

A time of reflection and hope

I passed my 2nd year anniversary last Monday. You probably think it's weird to reflect and remember a site's closing, but I do. Like many of you, my life has changed in some significant ways when I heard the news about the markets that cold October day in 2008. I believe that news did impact what happened to me in February 2009. You see it wasn't just me that was affected. I had 2 people under me that were summarily let go. Fortunately or unfortunately I wasn't. Yet the site still closed, and the work that I did there ceased. Ever since I've been floundering and floating. Some say I should be grateful to have a job, and I am. Yet I still miss the solid feeling I had and the sense of accomplishment I felt for a job well done.

I have been going through a tough time dealing with the mammoth changes going on within my company. It seems as if they want to anger their employees, making changes that rip what was good out and put what is not so good in. Why? I don't know. Maybe it all goes back to what happened that dreary and cold October day when I felt my world collapse around me.

There is hope. I have to tell myself this or go crazy. I see that hope when I look in the faces of my employees. I have six now, but am not sure how long I'll have them. I feel I need to fight for them while I still have them, and help them if I can.

The first signs of Spring-a new beginning

I love when the ground awakens after a long winter with new sprouts of green. I love hearing the birds chattering in the trees, seeming to sing after a silence that seemed to be forever. Yes, I love the feeling of seeing new life and the smell of the rain after a shower. It is a time of new beginnings, some are painful. You have to say goodbye to the old stuff and embrace the new. Yet, if you are like me, it gets harder and harder each year to let go. That's where the pain comes in. You resist the new ways and look. You want things to remain the same, even though you know that it can't. Change happens.

I faced the changes before. Some changes, like the budding of a flower, are welcome. You get excited for those changes to happen. Sometimes you even long for those changes. Other changes are not welcome....time of life changes come to mind. You dread the feelings that sometime overwhelm you. You want to turn back the clock, but you can't. I have been thinking a lot about certain changes, struggling to accept them and move on with my life. I know I need to think of what's happening as a new beginning for me. That's hard. I can thank God that he never changes, and that he is the same yesterday, today and forever.